Wednesday, August 06, 2014
Mid-summer Humor
How to live in a loving relationship with your husband.
The women were asked, "How many of you love your
husband?"
All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told
your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some
couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and
text their husband: "I love you,
sweetheart."
The women were then told to exchange phones with another
person, and to read aloud the text message they received in response.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Who the hell is
this?
2. Eh, mother of my
children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeh, and I love
you too. What's up with you??
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't
understand what you mean?
6. What the heck did
you do now?
7. ?!?
8. Don't beat about
the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for,
someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
=====
Help! Tech support!
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a
distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and
jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.
In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs
such as Cricket, Football, Golfing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer
runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging
to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
......................................................................................................
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind that Boyfriend is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: “http:
I Thought You Loved Me.html” and try to download Tears.
Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that
application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the
applications Jewelry and Flowers, but remember... over-use of the above
application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or
Beer.
Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring
Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus
in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are
unsupported applications and will crash Husband.
In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work
better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional
software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
=====
Thoughtful and
considerate police!
I get irritated when people
come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect
others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that
category.
This story involves the police department in the small hill
country town of Kerrville, TX who reported finding a man's body last Saturday
in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge.
The dead man's name would not be released until his family had
been notified.
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption
while visiting "someone" in Fredericksburg. He was wearing black
fishnet stockings, 10-inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string,
purple lipstick, dazzel dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an
Obama T-shirt.
The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any
unnecessary embarrassment.
Labels: Entertainment, Funny, Humor, Jokes, Laugh, LOL
© Copyright 2006 - 2014, James H. Shott
