A Little Levity

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like! Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fas t and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

# posted by James Shott @ 11:12 AM 0 comments

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

# posted by James Shott @ 3:30 PM 0 comments

The Navajo looked at the young guy, then at his peacefully grazing flock, and calmly answered, "Sure."

The young man parked his car, whipped out his notebook computer, connected it to a cell phone, surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, then opened up a database and some Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. He finally printed out a 50-page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turned around to our shepherd and said, "You have here exactly 1,586 sheep!"

“Amazing! That's correct! As I agreed, you may take one of my sheep," said the Navajo.

The shepherd watched the man make a selection and bundle it into his Cherokee. When he was finished, the sheepherder said, "if I can tell you exactly what your political persuasion is, where you came from, and who you work for, will you give back my sheep?"

"Okay, why not," answered the young man.

"You’re a Democrat, you're from Washington, D.C., and you’re working for the Bureau of Indian Affairs," said the Navajo.

"Wow! That's correct, " said the young man. "How ever did you know that?"

"Easy, answered the shepherd, "Nobody called you, but you showed up here anyway. You wanted to be paid for providing a answer to a question for which I already knew the answer, AND you don't know squat about what you're doing because you took my dog."

# posted by James Shott @ 12:37 PM 0 comments