Sunday, March 21, 2010

 

Laughs for early spring



Irish Joke


Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think from listening to you that you're from Ireland."


The other woman responds proudly, "Yes, I sure am!"

The first one says, "So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?"

The other answers, "I'm from St. John's."

The first one responds, "Amazing, so am I! And what street did you live on in St. John's?"

The other woman says, "I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town."

The first one says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I!! So did I!! And what school did ya go to?"

The other answers, "Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course."

The first one get really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other woman answers, "Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964."

The first exclaims, "The good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 meself!"

Now about this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down and orders a pint.


Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."


"And why do you say that, Brian?" Michael asks.

Brian answers, "The Murphy twins are drunk again.”



A new bell ringer

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer’s job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."



Part II

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. “What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but ... he's a dead ringer for his brother!"



Cowboy and St. Peter

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.


“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered.

“On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a bunch of punks who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed punk and smacked him in the face, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'”

St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”

“Couple of minutes ago.”



The Longest password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.




Makes sense to me

When asked by a young, patrol officer, "Do you know you were speeding?" the 83-year-old woman talked herself out of a ticket by replying,"Yes, sir, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going!"

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